How Titanic Ruined My Childhood but Led Me to SCUBA Diving
When I was about 9 or 10, my grandpa took my siblings and me up to our cabin in the mountains for a night. This cabin had a TV with an exclusive selection of channels—by which I mean, almost none. We were camped out on the floor in our sleeping bags, flipping through to see what we could watch before bed. And what did we land on? Titanic. Not the fun “King of the World” part. Not even the draw me like one of your French girls part. No. We arrived just in time for the soul-crushing, ice-cold, nightmare-inducing sinking portion of the film.
Us kids, being normal human children, screamed, panicked, and changed the channel to something more our speed—probably a rerun of some goofy comedy. But Grandpa? Oh no. Grandpa insisted we change it back. "It's history," he said. "You should watch it."
And so, I spent months haunted by the image of frozen bodies, chaos turning to eerie silence, and the ghostly remains of the ship lying at the bottom of the ocean. To this day, Titanic is not a romance to me. It is pure horror.
Fast forward: I grew up, moved on, but one thing remained—my totally irrational yet deeply ingrained fear of sunken ships. If you show me a picture of a shipwreck, I will either scream, flinch, or—on occasion—yeet my phone across the room. It’s not a rational fear, but it is a very real one.
Now, you may be wondering: What does this have to do with diving? Well, buckle up. It’s a wild ride.
The Leap Into the Deep
In August 2022, I made two major life decisions:
I'm going to Bali and taking a yoga teacher course.
I am going to go SCUBA diving.
Did I know how to go about this? Absolutely not. But I had read some blogs raving about Indonesia’s dive scene, and I figured, fuck it, we’re already facing fears and making shit happen by going to Bali to further my yoga teaching—let’s add another layer of chaos.
A few Google searches later, I found a dive shop on Nusa Lembongan called Blue Corner Dive. It looked legit, so I booked my PADI Open Water course and set off on an epic journey that involved 24 hours of travel, a detour through Seoul, and a late-night arrival in Denpasar. I dragged myself to a nearby hotel, woke up the next morning, acquired a SIM card, exchanged money, and somehow navigated my way onto a ferry bound for Nusa Lembongan.
Upon arrival, I checked into my bungalow and made my way to the dive shop. I had not finished the online coursework because I lost WiFi (classic), so they handed me a giant binder full of the PADI Open Water literature, which I crammed like a diligent student before finals.
Learning to Breathe Underwater
The next day, I started my Open Water course. It was just me and my instructor, Andi, which was a relief because I could privately panic without an audience, except to my surprise I DID NOT PANIC!
Now, for context: The worst thing you can do underwater is panic. And for someone with anxiety as a permanent undercurrent, you’d think this would be a recipe for disaster. But the plot twist—I found peace below the surface.
The confined water sessions taught me essential skills: mask clearing, regulator recovery, emergency procedures. At first, some of these drills seemed terrifying (why, exactly, must I remove my mask underwater?), but once I understood my equipment and the logic behind the skills, I started to trust the process.
After surviving the confined sessions, I was ready for my first real open water ocean dives.
The Moment Everything Changed
Open Water training consisted of four dives over two days. The first time I did a backroll entry off the boat and surfaced in the open ocean, my brain short-circuited. Then, I looked down.
Below me was an entire world—alive.
Diving along the reefs of Nusa Penida and Nusa Lembongan, I was completely immersed in a vibrant, bustling ecosystem. It wasn’t like walking through a forest, where you have to look for life. No, this was an underwater metropolis—fish zooming past, corals swaying, turtles gliding by like they had all the time in the world.
I was in it.
I fell first in awe, then in love.
By the end of my course, I made myself a promise: I would be back after finishing my yoga teacher training. That was non-negotiable.
The Fear Became the Obsession
What started as a random adventure to conquer a fear turned into a full-blown obsession. I went from being terrified of the ocean’s depths to feeling like I belonged there. I should highlight the importance of recognizing that the ocean is vast and extremely powerful and deserves reverence and respect. I have only seen a sliver of life within its depths.
So, here we are.
Titanic may have traumatized me as a child, but somehow, that fear pushed me straight into the arms of the very thing I once dreaded. The ocean and I have an understanding now.
And as for shipwrecks? Well... that’s a story to be continued… stay tuned to see how that beauty develops.
